I am getting bored with how much I think about/talk about/update people about what’s going on with my annoyingly imperfectly-functioning body. It just begins to sound really dull and repetitive to me…and must eventually to others as well! I am certainly better at talking about, or just more willing to talk about, the physical goings-on than my mental or emotional or psychological goings-on, which are probably of more interest overall to others. But when I’m with other people I really don’t want my cancer life to dominate the conversation–it’s so much less interesting overall than other topics!
But it’s not just about my interactions with other people; I am getting a bit fed up with how much of my own attention my body currently requires. I wake up feeling not so good; or I can’t fall asleep because various things hurt or feel weird; I then start to investigate whether this is just tiredness from not enough sleep, post-chemo ick, post-radiation fatigue still dogging me, or did I do too much with all that going on yesterday and now I’m paying a body price? Or is something new going on that I need to pay attention to, some new symptom or side effect that needs to be reported on, treated, prevented, ameliorated? Whoof! it’s kind of tiresome. It’s another way in which cancer is taking up so much of my life–not a way I anticipated.