Lemon drop

I feel like I am a lemon drop being sucked on and getting smaller and smaller. I spend lots more time dozing or just eyes-closed resting than I did a few months ago.  (But maybe that’s the effect of trying out morphine every 4 hours for pain?)  I have less and less energy for physical […]


I can’t walk well right now because of my numb and untrustworthy left foot and ankle; because I get big dizzy spells when I try to walk after sitting for 45 minutes or more; and because I get out of breath from just the effort of walking. A few days ago I scolded myself silently, […]

My neighbor Bella goes bald!

Wow, my teenage neighbor and fellow QIVC member Bella shaved her head a couple of weeks ago  to raise money for cancer research and remember and honor some people in her life who have had cancer.  I just had to go watch the mass shearing in the high-school gym, where Bella and dozens of other teens bravely […]

End of today

  Today’s chemo was the start of some cycle or other–9th intrathecal methotrexate maybe, and 6th carboplatin & gemcitabine?  I am not keeping track right now. In fact for the last week or so I have not only been deeply physically tired but also very ungrounded on day of the week, day of the month, […]

Asking and asking and asking for help large and small

When I found I couldn’t peel an orange or a grapefruit anymore (I like my grapefruits eaten in sections like oranges) I started working on how to cut them into sections so they could be tackled with only one working hand. That was not so easy–it was pretty messy and wasted a lot of juice […]

Reality check

Surprisingly I don’t think that often about the high chance that I’m going to probably die pretty soon from this cancer. I try to think about it, but it’s really hard to conceive of, even when given a life expectancy that is measured in months.  How to believe in that? Why believe in that?  I […]