Candles flickering

candles-flickeringWith candles flickering on the windowsill beside Ellen and soft daylight fading outside, we enter a night with winter-time temperatures and marvel at how the seasons are changing so markedly during this period of Ellen Time. Ellen’s body continues to diminish before our eyes while her spirit fills up the room. We are grateful that we’ve succeeded in keeping her at home all these weeks, thanks to Eric’s dedication and that of the other caregivers, as well as the support from medical and hospice professionals.

Our records aren’t 100% complete, but it seems that the last day that Ellen ate a grape or two and took a sip of grapefruit juice or lemon tea was October 16th. That’s when she started having trouble swallowing and that’s only been getting harder, causing occasional coughing that we try to soothe. Since September a year ago, Ellen dealt with edema (swelling) of her left arm and hand, and a few days ago we noticed her slender well-shaped hand reappeared. Unfortunately, that same hand is increasingly causing her discomfort, likely pins and needles and pain from neuropathy, and we’re exploring a shift in her medications to address that.

With steroids out of her system, Ellen’s high cheekbones and gorgeous jawline are once again revealed. Here is a photo of her lovely face, taken 27 years ago.


Last Modified on October 27, 2016
This entry was posted in liminal
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2 thoughts on “Candles flickering

  1. Dorian

    Sending love to Ellen and all of you. Reading this post, I thought I remembered Ellen writing this and just located it — January 25, 2016: “No one will ever see my cheekbones again. I am very sad about this.” There is so much loss — but Ellen probably appreciates that those around her can appreciate her cheekbones again. So minor and insignificant, but it didn’t feel minor to her.

    • regina walther

      love and blessings in this truly sacred time

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