Aloxi, Tagamet, Taxotere, Cytoxan–ATTaC!
Hmmm.
Aloxi, Tagamet, Taxotere, Cytoxan, Heparin–ATTaCH.

Aloxi is an anti-emetic, tagamet is to settle my stomach some other way (anti-reflux…it’s an ulcer med?), Taxotere is the new chemo agent, Cytoxan is the old chemo agent, Heparin is to keep my port catheter from clotting up in between uses.

And there’s the Decadron I’m taking at home the 3 days around chemo–so that would make it, what, DEATTaCHD?

Yesterday all day I felt so calm and appreciative of the care I was getting, and held up by so many people. Thanks!

It’s morning and I still feel pretty good. My stomach was kinda heavy at meals but no real queasiness, and I wasn’t up too much last night. No headache. Yay! So far so good.

I have been trying to find a good, helpful metaphor for what the chemotherapy is doing inside me: basically, killing off fast-growing cells of all sorts including cancer cells. Not very targeted–lots of collateral damage, leading to hair loss and potentially other side effects. Lots of people agree that visualizing a powerful yet more selective role for the chemo drugs can protect the parts of the body that really don’t need to be damaged (fast-growing non-cancer cells). But it’s hard for me to think of one that feels right–most of the closest metaphors are violent or military. Invading army, going after enemy forces but trying to spare civilians? A selective herbicide like Round Up? Cleaning out the pantry-moth ridden cabinet and having to throw some good food away, just in case, so you get all the eggs (even though you already removed the actual moths)?

Well, you can see maybe why it’s hard to buy into imagining myself wholeheartedly as a pantry cabinet. Even a nice maple-fronted one.